another day

Who is The Autumnist??!

At the start of each day I am a flash of the hair whipping Herbal Essence commercials, the sexy catwalk Victoria Secret model mixed with the air of Miranda Priestly (Devil Wears Prada) and Mother of dragons. I am Autumn the bombshell epitome of “I got this!”. 

I just turned twenty-freakin’-nine. I’m divorced. A former ward of the courts of Southern California, a survivor of child abuse and sexual assault. I am a mother of a soon to be school age child (omg,omg). With my roots, my upbringing, there’s nothing that can keep me down. 

I am an avid reader of historical romance, psychological thrillers, and European history. In my free time I study psychology, anthropology and how to stay out of prison. I dabble in baking, more for the decorating than for the taste. I’ve yet to lose a taste tester with my creative soul food Southern fusion. When stress gets the better of me I take a time out by playing Sims 3 on PC, painting murals or some long time waiting Pinterest craft. I don’t have a niche. I love everything. I want to learn about everything everyday for the rest of my life. I find beauty in everything and everyone. Mostly. Not that guy. 

Now by mid afternoon I become something more the Bridget Jones with a touch of “why me?”. 

I mentioned “mother of dragons” because according to the zodiacs my son is a dragon. A water dragon. He’s sweet and beautiful and so smart. Most of all he is logical and headstrong with a dark sense of humor, not unlike his mother – also a dragon. An earth dragon. As you can imagine things get rough. I’m clumsy, awkward, goofy. Forget the shower, you can catch me anywhere anytime belting out whatever is playing like the fabulous seagull I am. Squawk away if you don’t like it! I used to run and jump in heels now I trip barefoot. The world is not flat. 

I go from wanting to take on the world to questioning the very foundation on which I’m standing. Some days, depression and anxiety, get the best of me. I’m drowning in the screaming of thought and responsibility. 

By nightfall, every Disney villain emerges within me. “Kill the beast!!” I am so done with everything. With everyone. He wet the bed? Won’t eat his food? The sink is full, again. Toys everywhere. When was the last time anyone bathed? Where’s the dog?? 

Give me some kerosene and a match. 

Nightfall is so humbling. Sometimes a harsh reminder of my humanity. I get caught up in the fairytale, the romance, the ennui of life. Nothing makes me happier than my little fire breathing monster coming to me at the end of the day with the biggest hug and kiss saying, “Mommy I love you, you’re my best friend”. 

So, who is the Autumnist? Hell if I know. Everyday I get to know me a little more. Everyday I live. Everyday I love. One day I will find me. Right now, I am a mother, a successful leader in party planning and managing of multiple budgets. An adept negotiator, savvy in social media content, and communications management. I am also skilled in navigating and aquisitions. 

Grow with me.


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